The biggest wins are the ones the universe just throws in your lap. They require zero effort, no scheming or conniving or otherwise unflattering personal traits, and, best of all, these moments are designed to launch a chain reaction of sweet, if ephemeral, victory.
I got what I needed, you got the sweaty drunk tautly wrapped in Spandex, we all win.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Why are weekly arrest updates my favorite thing?
In the world? There are a lot of ways to answer this; a lot of these answers may cast me in an unfavorable light. So I choose to believe that I simply have a thirst for knowledge. It's like reading Twitter.
After watching 8,734 girls scour racks of prom dresses, expressing everything from pure ecstacy to unbridled terror, I realized that prom really is stupid, but not for the reasons I found in high school. In theory, after all, prom is awesome. Who doesn't like limos and fancy dinners and booze and expensive dresses? No one, duh. The problem with prom is that it's designated for the particular time in your life when you do not have the means to fully appreciate this kind of free-for-all.
I think prom should be for seniors in college. Most obviously because you're likely to be able to drink legally at a requisite open bar, and you can enjoy cheap wine in the limo to your heart's content without calling your parents shamefully from the PD immediately after. Furthermore, the majority of colleges have much more tasteful venues than, say, an indoor basketball court with the faint odor of stale sweat and cleaning products hanging in the air. There's always a "hall" with decent tile and, if you're lucky, a relatively fresh paint job. "Halls" have the air quality of a room not permeated in bodily fluids which, for me, is oftentimes key to a pleasant evening.
Aesthetically speaking, you're more likely to have reached some sort of stylistic harmony and you probably won't want the bikini-shaped ball gown with parakeet feathers -- and better yet, you're much less likely to remember your special night by pictures of stress acne in your memory album. It's a win-win. And finally, for the socially uninclined, most public colleges boast a student population so vast that the "I-can't-find-a-date" predicament is virtually eliminated. It's a win-win.
Essentially, I had the prescience -- even during my own delusional teen years -- to understand that prom is ruined by all the teenagers. If I had had an equivalent opportunity a year ago in, say, Millican Hall or the Strozier Library conference area or something, however, I would have been all over that shit. I would have been sipping my ever-cool gin and tonic all damn night and revelling in the fact that my parents were funding it. It would be awesome. If youth is wasted on the young, then it's totally fair to say prom is wasted on the seventeen year olds.
After watching 8,734 girls scour racks of prom dresses, expressing everything from pure ecstacy to unbridled terror, I realized that prom really is stupid, but not for the reasons I found in high school. In theory, after all, prom is awesome. Who doesn't like limos and fancy dinners and booze and expensive dresses? No one, duh. The problem with prom is that it's designated for the particular time in your life when you do not have the means to fully appreciate this kind of free-for-all.
I think prom should be for seniors in college. Most obviously because you're likely to be able to drink legally at a requisite open bar, and you can enjoy cheap wine in the limo to your heart's content without calling your parents shamefully from the PD immediately after. Furthermore, the majority of colleges have much more tasteful venues than, say, an indoor basketball court with the faint odor of stale sweat and cleaning products hanging in the air. There's always a "hall" with decent tile and, if you're lucky, a relatively fresh paint job. "Halls" have the air quality of a room not permeated in bodily fluids which, for me, is oftentimes key to a pleasant evening.
Aesthetically speaking, you're more likely to have reached some sort of stylistic harmony and you probably won't want the bikini-shaped ball gown with parakeet feathers -- and better yet, you're much less likely to remember your special night by pictures of stress acne in your memory album. It's a win-win. And finally, for the socially uninclined, most public colleges boast a student population so vast that the "I-can't-find-a-date" predicament is virtually eliminated. It's a win-win.
Essentially, I had the prescience -- even during my own delusional teen years -- to understand that prom is ruined by all the teenagers. If I had had an equivalent opportunity a year ago in, say, Millican Hall or the Strozier Library conference area or something, however, I would have been all over that shit. I would have been sipping my ever-cool gin and tonic all damn night and revelling in the fact that my parents were funding it. It would be awesome. If youth is wasted on the young, then it's totally fair to say prom is wasted on the seventeen year olds.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)