Girl code

So here's a different kind of deal-breaker: what are the basic rules of conduct that make or break a friendship? More specifically, I've been trying to determine those particular criteria that apply only to female friends -- the things that may be written off as normal if nonchalantly demonstrated by a guy, but which showcase a glaring insensitivity in the delicate ecosystem of the Girl Community.

I know "Girl Code" is loosely defined as not stealing your friend's significant other, but really, that's just Basic Human Decency Code. I've come up with a few ideas to better-define the blurred lines of this terminology -- and, as with everything, there are exceptions to each demand (infinitely more than I've listed, I'm sure).

If someone does something significantly hurtful and/or malicious to your friend, you are pissed also. Because you have to be. People are social creatures, and women perhaps especially so. Having emotional support when you've been cheated on/insulted/shoved off a bridge can often be the next best thing to not having someone treat you like shit to begin with. One must note, however, that simply saying, "What an asshole!" to your friend and then paling around with the offender in public is really not even an effort. For integrity's sake, imagine you're the victim here. You're ashamed, offended, hurt -- maybe wet from falling off the bridge -- and you don't want to hear someone tell you they saw your BFFE buddying up to your mortal enemy at the mall.

*EXCEPTIONS*

- You've known the offender longer and more closely than the "friend" (and this still depends on whom has been more reliably friend-like)

- The friend is a psycho drama queen who gets intensely emotionally wounded every time someone raises their eyebrows funny and the offender's offense was accidentally spilling a drink on her shoe or something.

- You have to maintain contact with the offender for the sake of professionalism in the work place or science lab or whatever. In this case, however, make it EXPLICITLY CLEAR that you will not serve as a sounding board and/or communication channel. None of that shit.

Don't be an overly competitive freak. And I say this as a borderline competitive freak, but, PLEASE, know the time and place. For example, I may concern people at the gym with my need to have the highest MPH reading in the treadmill room. I know, however, not to try to sidle over to a friend's date and fish for compliments. You're not winning when you try your hand -- or succeed -- at taking romantic attention away from a friend. You're losing big-time, because that friend will no longer feel badly about doing the same thing to you every chance she gets.

*EXCEPTIONS*

- If your friend does, in fact, do this to you, then you have every right to return the favor. This may not be a particularly prudent idea, and it may or may not lead to World War 3, but you are within your rights, either way.

- There aren't really any other exceptions I can think of right now. It's just a fucking annoying thing to do.

Don't get nosy about money.  You really have to keep in mind the level of intimacy in your friendship to assess your boundaries, but, basically, you can follow some simple conversational rules.

If your friend compliments you on your shoes or something, or even asks where you got it:

DO say, "Thanks, I got it at _____."
DON'T say, "Thanks, it was $435."

Conversely, if you like something your friend has:

DO say: "I like your new car!"
DON'T say, "Nice car. How much did you pay for it?"

Essentially, too much direct money-talk makes you seem, once again, competitive -- as well as braggy and possibly insecure.

*EXCEPTIONS*

- You want to brag about how inexpensive something is (if it's your own, of course). Example:

Friend: Cute purse!
You: Thanks! It was only $12.99 at Target!
Friend: Wow, I'm so excited! Yay!

Friends are entitled to vent to you sometimes within a total cone of silence. If your friend is like, "OMG! I hate that Jenna girl from my work! She is a horrible person," you need to be understanding and empathetic about the situation -- this can be accomplished by NOT TELLING JENNA FROM WORK THAT YOUR FRIEND IS PISSED. In fact, do not even hint that your friend has ever mentioned her coworker, even under the guise of "making peace." We're all entitled to a moment of anger every now and then, and sometimes we need to vent while also reserving our right to be un-angry with the offender in five and a half minutes. No exceptions for this one.